


Christmas Memory

by svana_vrika



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Christmas, M/M, Season/Series 07, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-31
Updated: 2014-12-31
Packaged: 2018-03-04 11:12:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3065723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/svana_vrika/pseuds/svana_vrika
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Christmas present brings a memory of Christmas Past</p>
            </blockquote>





	Christmas Memory

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** This story is an original work of fan-fiction .Stargate-SG1 and its characters, props and settings are the intellectual property of MGM. I just borrowed them for a few thousand words of entertainment. No copyright infringements intended, and I will make no profit from their use.
> 
> **Warnings:** Hints of Season 7 spoilers
> 
> **Author’s notes:** Written for the Dreamwidth Event Horizons 2014 Christmas Challenge. Much thanks to the ladies from the Facebook Spacemonkey group for their assistance with the timeline. Work is unbetaed. All mistakes are my own.

_“He suffers.”_

_Daniel nodded, his eyes locked on the scene before him. Jack, a dusty attic, a near spent bottle. Boxes labeled **Christmas** that were currently being treated to a look that was part indifference, part derision and part inebriation. Daniel’s heart ached. He gave a single nod. “Because of me.” _

_“In part.”_

_“In part,” he agreed. He knew Jack. Knew his heart and mind better than anyone. Ascended, he would allow himself that arrogance, yes, because it was only through ascension that he’d learned that. And so much more. But even ascended he wasn’t so conceited as to claim he was the only reason for Jack’s pain. Knowing him on the level he did, Daniel also knew of the scars that were older and deeper than this freshest one caused by **his** loss. _

_“He is not the only one.”_

_“No.” Daniel finally brought his mind’s eye back to his plane. Back to Oma. “No, he’s not. I hurt for him.” A small smile rose though it came nowhere near Daniel’s eyes. “His spirit at its most sacred point is still so giving; so innocent and pure. All the darkness he carries, all the horrors he’s lived through, they haven’t extinguished it.” Daniel laughed, the blue actually lighting with it this time. “And it would burst through with such exuberance you’d swear you were watching a child instead of a man who’s been through more than most could ever handle and survive.” He sobered. "Jack loved Christmas. It was me who hated it. A time for family when I had none, and even the best fosters couldn’t ever replace that. Not that many of them even tried. But I learned to love it through Jack, who still kept it in his heart even after his family was gone. To see him like that-“ Daniel shook his head. “I hurt for him.”_

_“Just him? Daniel?”_

_Daniel huffed impatiently through his nose when Oma persisted despite his silence. “No, not just for him. But that doesn’t matter, does it? It’s not like I can change my mind about this just because I know now that he loved me too. Hell, even if I could, it’s not like it would change anything. He’s career military. That alone would make anything more than we had damned near impossible, and when you add that I’m a member of his team- “ Daniel snorted softly and shook his head._

_“If you immediately know the candlelight is fire-“_

_“Don’t.” Resentment flared in his eyes as he shook his head- a first since Oma had helped him ascend. “Don’t try and placate me with your sayings. I get it. I really do. The whole, miss out on something wondrous by assuming you know the result. But I hate it. At least if I’d died, I wouldn’t know how he felt and have to spend eternity wondering what I might have missed out on. At least if I’d died, I wouldn’t be aware of his suffering. And having to sit idly by unable to do anything about either makes it even worse.”_

The surge of anger from the recalled memory was so strong that it forced Daniel awake, his lips curled into a petulant scowl and his body flushed with the heat of it. He couldn’t shake it, the sensation augmented by the irritation he felt at having had his memories repressed in the first place. It didn’t matter that Oma had been right- that he shouldn’t have written a relationship with Jack off simply because of his career. As he lay there, he wondered how many times he’d been forced to hold himself back from providing assistance, and not just to those he’d loved. He’d thrown a promising career away over his beliefs for Christ’s sake; where were the balls he’d had then? Especially since, this time, he'd had all this mystical power at his disposal? 

Jack rolled over with a soft grunt then, his bare ass lightly rubbing against Daniel's as he stretched and then wriggled into a comfortable position in his sleep. Just like that the edge was honed from Daniel’s ire. A smile settled onto his features and heated blue turned softer as the adoration he felt for the man beside him ebbed in to warm him instead. It _didn’t_ matter. None of it did. Because he’d found his way back and, even without his memories, they’d found each other. 

Daniel’s smile broadened and, knowing he was a fair way from falling back to sleep, he eased out of the bed; after tugging on the loose, faded flannel pajama bottoms he'd had on for all of five minutes earlier, he quietly slipped from the room. Once his brain engaged he found it hard to simply lay there and he knew Jack needed the rest. It had been pretty much non-stop as of late- and then Daniel snorted softly with the thought. It had been pretty much non-stop for the past seven years, but the latest mission had been a particularly hard one and Daniel's eyes briefly clouded as he padded into the living room and crossed over to the tree. It hadn't even been a month since Janet's funeral and, while the bruises from Jack's injury had finally started to fade, he knew the emotional wounds they all had suffered with her loss would likely never fully go away. 

Sighing softly, he stooped to plug the tree in and then straightened. A slight smile suddenly rose as he thought about how Janet would lecture him, stern look and all, were he were to let her death dampen their first Christmas and he let it go. For now, the present was all that mattered, he thought as he looked at the myriad lights and decorations that flocked the huge pine Jack had had waiting for them when he'd gotten in last night. And he didn't care if he got one single thing more- though he knew Jack likely had a plethora of presents wrapped and squirreled away for him somewhere. For him, the greatest gift was that they were together, spiritually, emotionally, physically, and in the moment. 

Humming softly under his breath now, Daniel left the tree for the window; the smile he bore broadened again as he watched the lightly falling snow. It really was pretty, and he chuckled lowly as he thought about how he'd razzed Jack for years that, between Halloween and Easter, it never seemed to stop- at least, not in Minnesota. 

"Laughing _and_ humming? If it wasn't Christmas and the time for miracles, I'd be tempted to go for my piece." 

Jack's voice was lower than normal and rough with the remnants of sleep. The gruff, husky sound sent a pleasant warmth through Daniel even as he snickered and shook his head. "Cute," he muttered and went to turn around, only to be halted as an arm snaked around his waist. Jack's strength was implied through the sinewy appendage despite his gentle hold and that warm feeling grew; Daniel's lashes fell slightly as Jack took that half-step forward to bring them flush and he let his head rest against Jack's shoulder with a contented sigh. "Didn't mean to wake you," he murmured, though in retrospect, he should have known better and that Jack would realize that he'd gotten up. Jack swore he slept better and deeper when Daniel was with him and he believed him. It held true for him, too. But that didn't erase the hyper-awareness that came from Jack's years of military training.

"S'okay," Jack reassured through a yawn, and then he nuzzled into Daniel's hair with the same contented sound Daniel had made seconds ago. "Almost just went back to sleep again but then figured I probably should see what it was that enticed you out of bed before the coffee was started. Unusual for you, even if it is Christmas morning," he continued lightly, though Daniel didn't miss the question within the tease. It had been thirteen months since Jack had found him on Vis Uban and they'd been together for ten; Jack knew that his memories frequently came back to him through his dreams- had held him after more than a few when his guilt and rage had left him shaking or in tears. 

But, knowing what Jack was asking didn't make the response any easier. Daniel knew they had to stay honest with each other; their lives were too full of secrecy and doubt as it was, which made it even more important to him. To them both. But, while Jack would play it off as nothing, Daniel knew he'd be embarrassed that the piteous Christmas had been observed. And that, in his own moment of weakness, Daniel had essentially wished for death over having to watch Jack suffer would trouble him even more. It hadn't been Jack's fault but he would carry that guilt. 

"That bad, eh?" 

Jack had lifted his head and, with a small, silent sigh, Daniel shuffled forward just enough to where he could then turn in Jack's embrace. "I wouldn't say, _bad_ ," he hedged as he slid his arms around Jack's neck. "It was more _sad_ than _bad_. And made me more than a little mad..." Daniel trailed off when Jack's brow arched and let him know he was on to his stall-tactic. "Last Christmas was hard," he finally admitted after a brief, sheepish look into Jack's eyes. He paused until Jack had realized the implication and, when the second greyed brow joined the first, he continued. "You were alone, there wasn't even a tree; I was pissed off at Oma and what my life had been reduced to and second-guessing my decision to ascend. I wanted so badly to be here with you," he said, head dropping forward onto Jack's shoulder this time when warm brown went incredibly soft upon his plaintive tone, and then Daniel's eyes shut as he was pulled even closer and Jack started to caress along his spine. "You were hurting, I was hurting; even if, at that moment, I didn't think we could ever be more than what we had been despite how we loved each other, at least we'd have been together."

There were a few moments of silence and Daniel loosed a slow breath as Jack continued with the soothing touches. "Death wouldn't have solved that, Daniel," he finally said quietly. "You couldn't have come back to me then." 

"I know. But at the time-" 

"I know. It had to be hard. It would have been for me." Another brief pause and then, "You loved me then, eh?"

Daniel's brows shot up at that and he lifted his head, tipped it back to meet Jack's eyes. "I've loved you for years, Jack! I-"

"Tshh shh..." Jack smiled a bit as he put a finger to Daniel's lips to silence him. "I remember what you said, Daniel. Believe me. I just- well, with the grandness of the universe at your disposal, I didn't think there would be a place for that, you know?" 

Daniel turned his head slightly to displace Jack's finger. "Well you thought wrong." The petulance that had crept into his voice gave way to earnestness as he captured that hand and twined their fingers together. "There is nothing grander, nothing more amazing to me than loving you, Jack. Even when I didn't know you loved me back I couldn't change how I felt and ascension couldn't take it away because it's a part of me, I've carried it for so long."

"Shh," Jack repeated and lips followed the silencing sound this time as fingers threaded through Daniel's hair instead and Jack's palm cradled the back of his head. The kiss was slow, deep, intense in its tenderness and, when they parted several minutes later, the tangle of emotions had been smoothed to just one- the comforting, terrifying love that had made him ache so badly for Jack that night as he'd watched and mourned from the stars. "I know, Daniel. I know," he murmured, and Daniel closed his eyes again, further comforted by the press of Jack's cheek to his hair and the way his fingers stroked in a light, repeated caress from nape to a certain spot between his shoulders. The way Jack knew what he needed and when without anything having to be said between them. "Come on." He pulled back, cupped Daniel's cheek, and smiled as his thumb brushed the night's growth that lightly coated his jaw. "Much as I love Christmas, it's early even for me. Let's go back to bed for a few more hours, eh?"

Daniel nodded, turned his head to press a kiss to Jack's palm, and he smiled soft and wide when that hand then smoothed up the side of his face to ruffle his hair. The memory was a sweet one that he'd never forgotten, that of Jack's first affectionate touch and, as Jack straightened after he'd unplugged the tree, Daniel caught his arm. "I love you," he murmured before kissing him again and then he let Jack lead him up the stairs. He wasn't quite ready to sleep but he knew Jack would help with that too and, in that moment, he was as grateful to Oma as he'd been pissed off before. He had no clue how much more was repressed or how much more would ever be revealed but at least he had the chance to find out. And even if nothing else surfaced, right then, he didn't think he'd care. He'd remembered his love as soon as he'd remembered Jack and, even better, Jack loved him back. He had all that mattered right there.


End file.
